I'm not kidding, I'm really foncused.
Wait, no, I meant foncused. Yes, foncused, really foncused!
Or was it, confused....? I really don't know.
I have not been blogging for so long. And, it is pretty sad that my first post in 2012 is entitled "Foncused".
But, it isn't something I can deny. When you come to a point in life when you start asking yourself "What am I doing?", this is the part you get confused/lost/uncertain.
These emotions are seeping into me right now. I have tried telling myself to focus on work. But somehow, I just slip away from them. (Note: Facebook is not a very good companion for this very reason)
I end up doing everything but my work, which I do have a lot, much left undone till this very moment. This also means that I shouldn't be blogging. But, I really do need to shout it out somewhere.
I remember sometime ago how I felt numbed by too many events/loses/heartaches. But, I still managed to focus on my work.
Not this time though, everything seems so detached but real. I know what's at stake but I can't seem push myself to a level that I had once done before. I tried to remind myself of what I could have accomplished before but they are seem useless now. Perhaps it's like drugs, you get immune to them.
I think I know the reason. It's because I'm getting confused on what I want, what's most important to me. I have a vague idea but the idea is getting so blurry now.
I need shock, I need impact, I need reality.
I need something to look forward for, something that can once push me like before, to make me realise that I can no longer slack, to drive me to achieve what I want, or what I think I want.
I need sleep. I always seem so tired. Is that a reason why I feel confused, lost and uncertain? I really don't know.
It's a turmoil in me that I shouldn't be experiencing. I have a very blessed life. But, that doesn't take away all these feelings. I have always told others that you can control your emotions, at least on the surface. I'm trying hard now.
I need something, or someone...
I know that you understand me, perhaps the most among all, but will you understand all the gibberish while I myself can't? I really don't know either...
Or have I mistaken about you too?
Wait, no, I meant foncused. Yes, foncused, really foncused!
Or was it, confused....? I really don't know.
I have not been blogging for so long. And, it is pretty sad that my first post in 2012 is entitled "Foncused".
But, it isn't something I can deny. When you come to a point in life when you start asking yourself "What am I doing?", this is the part you get confused/lost/uncertain.
These emotions are seeping into me right now. I have tried telling myself to focus on work. But somehow, I just slip away from them. (Note: Facebook is not a very good companion for this very reason)
I end up doing everything but my work, which I do have a lot, much left undone till this very moment. This also means that I shouldn't be blogging. But, I really do need to shout it out somewhere.
I remember sometime ago how I felt numbed by too many events/loses/heartaches. But, I still managed to focus on my work.
Not this time though, everything seems so detached but real. I know what's at stake but I can't seem push myself to a level that I had once done before. I tried to remind myself of what I could have accomplished before but they are seem useless now. Perhaps it's like drugs, you get immune to them.
I think I know the reason. It's because I'm getting confused on what I want, what's most important to me. I have a vague idea but the idea is getting so blurry now.
I need shock, I need impact, I need reality.
I need something to look forward for, something that can once push me like before, to make me realise that I can no longer slack, to drive me to achieve what I want, or what I think I want.
I need sleep. I always seem so tired. Is that a reason why I feel confused, lost and uncertain? I really don't know.
It's a turmoil in me that I shouldn't be experiencing. I have a very blessed life. But, that doesn't take away all these feelings. I have always told others that you can control your emotions, at least on the surface. I'm trying hard now.
I need something, or someone...
I know that you understand me, perhaps the most among all, but will you understand all the gibberish while I myself can't? I really don't know either...
Or have I mistaken about you too?
ζδΈη₯ι。
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