The Countdown Begins

it's really funny how the human brain works. you long for something so dearly and when it's here, it just doesn't seem to be as important anymore... is it because that "something" is now in your grasp, making it less significant? or is it because you will be losing something else for that "something"?

i'm leaving for Penang in 9 days. after waiting for so many months, i thought that i would be so excited to go! but looking at my half empty closet(though there are still LOADS of clothes! never really realised that i had SO MANY clothes...) and zipping up my overflowing luggage bag didn't seem to be as exciting as i thought that it would be. the pouring rain in the afternoon and listening to lady gaga didn't help either! i always tell everyone around me that i am JUST in Penang! a car trip takes less than 5 hours! but deep down, i know that i am indeed leaving. no matter where i'm going, i'm just not here...

moreover, it's even funnier how people that you have known for a short period of time seem to have such a great effect on your life. looking at a brighter side of things, this post is dedicated to all those who have impacted my life :) (not in the order of popularity but chronologically, according to the farewells that i already had or will soon to have :D )

1) HELP debaters

a special tribute to kailaish and kar jin, my IMU teammates who brought me to the semis! :)

as i quote kj, "its odd that i've only known all of you for a few months yet it feels much longer than that. and yet at the same time, time seems to pass so quickly. ARGH i suppose friendship is not proportional to time" (please pardon the dramatic ARGH :P) i can't agree more with his words. both IMU & KLOC had been great debating experiences! without them, i won't have made 2 incredible good friends. i'm missing the both of you so much already!!!

don't worry han rong! i'm not leaving you out! :P MDO was an equally fantastic experience. (though it would have been A LOT better with you staying awake more often :P) i shall miss your "small-boy" look! :D

to the rest of you guys, zean shiung, shaun, prashanth, dinesh & kenneth (extremely adorable seniors who brought tears to my eyes and stitches to my stomachs), adelyn & victoria (i love the bickering with abhi!) eunice & giselle (i love the picking on kailaish even more!) and definitely, jasmesh & ayzvara!!! you guys gave me awesome memories that i will never forget!

2) JACQ JACQ & CHEE CHEE! :D (my beautiful daughters)

i love the catching up session we had on sunday! i felt so comfortable pouring my heart out, telling you guys everything. mind you, no one else knows! :P AND WE DIDN'T TAKE A PICTURE!!! we need more catching up sessions like that!

moreover, i'm really grateful that we decided to work together at BG. i would never forget those great times when we had so much running, yelling FLAT TYRE! :D + free refill of ice lemon tea and all the free drinks from the bar! :P

3)Primary school mates!

vanessa, suet ying, shook wai, soo hui, audrey, khai zhin & kero :) will never forget that fact that our year only had 8 chinese girls!!! thank you for making primary school year memorable for me. all the pictures that we had together are in my photo album! i only have this one below online... :/

but i shall cherish my photo album dearly, reminiscing the times we had together while we were still so young.... :)

4)(i-don't-know-what-to-call-them????)

there's a von chong, thingo, khor huan, (MORE IMPORTANTLY) a ROGER FEDERER & a RAFAEL NADAL! (it's just sher lin and audrey actually). they aren't exactly termed my secondary school mates because i just met them in form4. but nonetheless, one thing i can be sure of is that, i won't forget them. despite skipping 75% of classes, these gals never deserted me. they stuck with me for 2 whole years, in and out, and i'm so eternally grateful for such wonderful friends that they have been. i will not forget the evil gossiping sessions in chemistry class(notebook!), endless laughing sessions in class and doing homework when we are not supposed to(oh no, that's sher lin only! :P)

5)DJD

my dear coaches, andrew, john & keefe, thank you for all the coaching!!! :D (and definitely, gossiping sessions!) my darling teammates, sophie, el, lean, abhi & marc. WIRA, C Q Teo, KDUDA, IIU & HELP will never ever disappear from my memory. the memories we shared together define who i am :) juniors! dan, tim, shu wen, ken, alynna :D you all make us so proud to debate alongside with you all! little juniors! claudia, manda, alycia, hazel, carmen, andrew, jeremy, jason, shin lin, zhi wei, syafinas, tze kwang :D you guys gave me such sweet memories in HELP, IIU, Kids BP that i will always keep dearly in my heart!

i shall keep the nostalgic moments for this weekend! :P

there are so many more people that i wish to talk about this post! but then, the list will be endless... nevertheless, endless thank you from the bottom of my heart to ALL that shaped ng siew sanz. you hold a place in her heart :) forever.

It's Me

out of the blue, i started going through all the blog posts that i have here, in my blog. and i just realised how i have changed in so many ways, but one.

in year 2008, 90% of my blog posts were about the twilight saga. seriously, i cannot believe how in love i was with the book. most people at my age right now would criticise it, telling me how naive i was to like, or even love such exaggerated (and possibly boring) love stories. despite how unbelievable i am in respect to how in love i was with the books, i think i am still in love with them. maybe not as much, but i still remember vividly the lines from the book and probably, certain scenes from the movie or even images in my head that i have depicted myself. (LOL :P)

then in 2009, when i blogged the most, it was all about debate and badminton, how obsessed i was with the malaysian team winning and how involved i was in the debating scene. a few occasional post about the girl guides public speaking competition and bubba gump also came into the picture. but the bulk, undoubtedly, belonged to debate and badminton :D i was really into the both of them.

2010 came with more emotional posts. talking about the IJN visit, my memoirs and mostly, how i felt back then. blogging in 2011 is such as failure with only 2 posts from Jan-August. the way i have blogged changed so drastically. from the shortforms of "wut" to the proper "what', from exeggerated "haizzzzz" to less dramatic phrases (ok, may i still do that once in a while) and from being a self-centered little girl to a slightly less self-absorbed person(i hope i am!).

i really have changed a lot. from a girl who probably knew nothing, i changed into an authoritative and to a certain extend, a dogmatic person. or maybe i have been like this all along, just that i have not been showcasing this part of me. i think i was nice when i was young(i think) when i was not so demanding. now, i think i am quite mean, evil at times, hurting people and breaking hearts.

despite all this, one of thing have yet to change. me, being obsessive. when i am into something, believe me, i am really into it. it stays in my head and pops up every now and then with the slightest thing that can remind me of it. worst of all, my imagination can spiral out of control thinking about it. from twilight to badminton to debate and then to everything else, i have been so obsessive.

obsession is really unhealthy, mark my words form a first-hand experience. it drains you out, saps your energy as you find for every little avenue to get more information about something/someone or try to feel closer to that thing/person. it distracts you. proving this statement, i am supposed to be reading my IB textbooks or current events. but instead, i am blogging about this obsession of mine. because it's there in my head.

so, thank you if you have taken time to read this post. i hope it served as an relaxing element or not you most probably have wasted your precious time. but if you feel that you have more time to waste(not that i encourage it) do tell me a bit more about me. :)

if you had known me long enough, do you think that i have changed? am i a better person or worse-off? do you think obsession is good? on top of that, please give me some suggestions.

after writing this, i promised myself, to stop being so obsessed. on the other hand, i think it defines who i am. but of course, drugs define a drug addict. so should he/she continue with drugs when it is so damned clear that it is killing him/her? this is my resolution before i begin my term, stop being so obsessive! i would need to focus for my IB in penang. is obsession worth my scholarship which is most probably my future? i'm not convinced right now. unless my current obsession makes me feel happy for the rest of my life, which is clearly not the case right now, no, i shouldn't depend on it. well, this current obsession of mine isn't responding very positively, which adds on the the reason why i should stop it! however, as it is always the case, everything is easier said than done.

but till i get rid of it(in which i promise that i will try), obsession is me.

p.s. purple have always been my favourite colour and it still is. :) obsession...