The Countdown Begins

it's really funny how the human brain works. you long for something so dearly and when it's here, it just doesn't seem to be as important anymore... is it because that "something" is now in your grasp, making it less significant? or is it because you will be losing something else for that "something"?

i'm leaving for Penang in 9 days. after waiting for so many months, i thought that i would be so excited to go! but looking at my half empty closet(though there are still LOADS of clothes! never really realised that i had SO MANY clothes...) and zipping up my overflowing luggage bag didn't seem to be as exciting as i thought that it would be. the pouring rain in the afternoon and listening to lady gaga didn't help either! i always tell everyone around me that i am JUST in Penang! a car trip takes less than 5 hours! but deep down, i know that i am indeed leaving. no matter where i'm going, i'm just not here...

moreover, it's even funnier how people that you have known for a short period of time seem to have such a great effect on your life. looking at a brighter side of things, this post is dedicated to all those who have impacted my life :) (not in the order of popularity but chronologically, according to the farewells that i already had or will soon to have :D )

1) HELP debaters

a special tribute to kailaish and kar jin, my IMU teammates who brought me to the semis! :)

as i quote kj, "its odd that i've only known all of you for a few months yet it feels much longer than that. and yet at the same time, time seems to pass so quickly. ARGH i suppose friendship is not proportional to time" (please pardon the dramatic ARGH :P) i can't agree more with his words. both IMU & KLOC had been great debating experiences! without them, i won't have made 2 incredible good friends. i'm missing the both of you so much already!!!

don't worry han rong! i'm not leaving you out! :P MDO was an equally fantastic experience. (though it would have been A LOT better with you staying awake more often :P) i shall miss your "small-boy" look! :D

to the rest of you guys, zean shiung, shaun, prashanth, dinesh & kenneth (extremely adorable seniors who brought tears to my eyes and stitches to my stomachs), adelyn & victoria (i love the bickering with abhi!) eunice & giselle (i love the picking on kailaish even more!) and definitely, jasmesh & ayzvara!!! you guys gave me awesome memories that i will never forget!

2) JACQ JACQ & CHEE CHEE! :D (my beautiful daughters)

i love the catching up session we had on sunday! i felt so comfortable pouring my heart out, telling you guys everything. mind you, no one else knows! :P AND WE DIDN'T TAKE A PICTURE!!! we need more catching up sessions like that!

moreover, i'm really grateful that we decided to work together at BG. i would never forget those great times when we had so much running, yelling FLAT TYRE! :D + free refill of ice lemon tea and all the free drinks from the bar! :P

3)Primary school mates!

vanessa, suet ying, shook wai, soo hui, audrey, khai zhin & kero :) will never forget that fact that our year only had 8 chinese girls!!! thank you for making primary school year memorable for me. all the pictures that we had together are in my photo album! i only have this one below online... :/

but i shall cherish my photo album dearly, reminiscing the times we had together while we were still so young.... :)

4)(i-don't-know-what-to-call-them????)

there's a von chong, thingo, khor huan, (MORE IMPORTANTLY) a ROGER FEDERER & a RAFAEL NADAL! (it's just sher lin and audrey actually). they aren't exactly termed my secondary school mates because i just met them in form4. but nonetheless, one thing i can be sure of is that, i won't forget them. despite skipping 75% of classes, these gals never deserted me. they stuck with me for 2 whole years, in and out, and i'm so eternally grateful for such wonderful friends that they have been. i will not forget the evil gossiping sessions in chemistry class(notebook!), endless laughing sessions in class and doing homework when we are not supposed to(oh no, that's sher lin only! :P)

5)DJD

my dear coaches, andrew, john & keefe, thank you for all the coaching!!! :D (and definitely, gossiping sessions!) my darling teammates, sophie, el, lean, abhi & marc. WIRA, C Q Teo, KDUDA, IIU & HELP will never ever disappear from my memory. the memories we shared together define who i am :) juniors! dan, tim, shu wen, ken, alynna :D you all make us so proud to debate alongside with you all! little juniors! claudia, manda, alycia, hazel, carmen, andrew, jeremy, jason, shin lin, zhi wei, syafinas, tze kwang :D you guys gave me such sweet memories in HELP, IIU, Kids BP that i will always keep dearly in my heart!

i shall keep the nostalgic moments for this weekend! :P

there are so many more people that i wish to talk about this post! but then, the list will be endless... nevertheless, endless thank you from the bottom of my heart to ALL that shaped ng siew sanz. you hold a place in her heart :) forever.

It's Me

out of the blue, i started going through all the blog posts that i have here, in my blog. and i just realised how i have changed in so many ways, but one.

in year 2008, 90% of my blog posts were about the twilight saga. seriously, i cannot believe how in love i was with the book. most people at my age right now would criticise it, telling me how naive i was to like, or even love such exaggerated (and possibly boring) love stories. despite how unbelievable i am in respect to how in love i was with the books, i think i am still in love with them. maybe not as much, but i still remember vividly the lines from the book and probably, certain scenes from the movie or even images in my head that i have depicted myself. (LOL :P)

then in 2009, when i blogged the most, it was all about debate and badminton, how obsessed i was with the malaysian team winning and how involved i was in the debating scene. a few occasional post about the girl guides public speaking competition and bubba gump also came into the picture. but the bulk, undoubtedly, belonged to debate and badminton :D i was really into the both of them.

2010 came with more emotional posts. talking about the IJN visit, my memoirs and mostly, how i felt back then. blogging in 2011 is such as failure with only 2 posts from Jan-August. the way i have blogged changed so drastically. from the shortforms of "wut" to the proper "what', from exeggerated "haizzzzz" to less dramatic phrases (ok, may i still do that once in a while) and from being a self-centered little girl to a slightly less self-absorbed person(i hope i am!).

i really have changed a lot. from a girl who probably knew nothing, i changed into an authoritative and to a certain extend, a dogmatic person. or maybe i have been like this all along, just that i have not been showcasing this part of me. i think i was nice when i was young(i think) when i was not so demanding. now, i think i am quite mean, evil at times, hurting people and breaking hearts.

despite all this, one of thing have yet to change. me, being obsessive. when i am into something, believe me, i am really into it. it stays in my head and pops up every now and then with the slightest thing that can remind me of it. worst of all, my imagination can spiral out of control thinking about it. from twilight to badminton to debate and then to everything else, i have been so obsessive.

obsession is really unhealthy, mark my words form a first-hand experience. it drains you out, saps your energy as you find for every little avenue to get more information about something/someone or try to feel closer to that thing/person. it distracts you. proving this statement, i am supposed to be reading my IB textbooks or current events. but instead, i am blogging about this obsession of mine. because it's there in my head.

so, thank you if you have taken time to read this post. i hope it served as an relaxing element or not you most probably have wasted your precious time. but if you feel that you have more time to waste(not that i encourage it) do tell me a bit more about me. :)

if you had known me long enough, do you think that i have changed? am i a better person or worse-off? do you think obsession is good? on top of that, please give me some suggestions.

after writing this, i promised myself, to stop being so obsessed. on the other hand, i think it defines who i am. but of course, drugs define a drug addict. so should he/she continue with drugs when it is so damned clear that it is killing him/her? this is my resolution before i begin my term, stop being so obsessive! i would need to focus for my IB in penang. is obsession worth my scholarship which is most probably my future? i'm not convinced right now. unless my current obsession makes me feel happy for the rest of my life, which is clearly not the case right now, no, i shouldn't depend on it. well, this current obsession of mine isn't responding very positively, which adds on the the reason why i should stop it! however, as it is always the case, everything is easier said than done.

but till i get rid of it(in which i promise that i will try), obsession is me.

p.s. purple have always been my favourite colour and it still is. :) obsession...

Women = Scapegoats

Got a Problem? Blame the Women...Gosh.... Tell me this is not male chauvinism...

It is only human nature to find scapegoats for every problem that pops up, be it someone involved or someone not involved. Need an example? Talking about the French Revolution, poor King Louis XVI was used as a scapegoat by the common people. The fact us, the French aristocracy was really corrupted, and pitiful Louis wasn’t strong enough against them. So, there he goes as a scapegoat, the reason of revolution and the reason of the downfall of the government. Further into the future, Jews were the scapegoats used by Hitler for various issues from diseases to political unrest. They weren’t so directly involved I think.

But, the problem I have right now at this moment (10.57pm, 7^th of June 2011) is not that humans find scapegoats for every problem (well, at least it is not the biggest problem for me now). Instead, it is WOMEN used as scapegoats. From the dawn of time till now (10.59am, 7^th June 2011), women are still used as pathetic excuses for the fault of anything under the sun.

Back then when science wasn’t flourishing, if you don’t get a smart/handsome/athletic baby BOY, BLAME THE WOMEN (note, this happened EVERYWHERE in the world). Ok, let’s move to the Middle East. When a female gets raped, blame the girl for not protecting herself! If a brother commits a crime in the family, send the sister to take the punishment! How about the Europe? If a baby dies during birth (most probably due to the lack of poor health/hygiene standards), burn the midwife as a witch! What happens if the husbands die shortly after marriage (due to diseases that have yet to have a cure during the medieval times)? Blame the women for bringing bad luck to the family! Now, let’s get back to the East, China. Why did King Fuchai lose his kingdom? It is because Xishi (one of the Four Chinese Beauties of ancient China) become his concubine! Why did Wu Sangui open the doors of the Great Wall at Shanhai Pass for the Manchu soldiers? It was because Chen Yuanyuan(Wu’s concubine) got caught by someone else. See the trend...? If there’s a screw-up, blame the nearest female you can...

It’s the 21^st century and yet human’s barbaric nature has yet to change. So much for gender equality and women’s rights... Quoted from guardian.co.uk, ‘A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes.’ Then, could the butterfly effect be the reason of the recent Japan earthquake & tsunami???? If Egypt and a host of Middle East countries are in turmoil, blame the first ladies! Be the reason ranging from corrupting the economy (yes, Suzanna Mubarak MAYBE involved in corruptions but it is still under investigations. Nonetheless, she didn’t make the policies...) to not stopping the killing of protesters (First Lady of Syria, Asma al Assad is in that position).

Getting back closer to home, the Obedient Wives Club (in my opinion) is a slap straight on the face, telling women that if you aren’t good enough in bed, you are the reason for your husband’s disloyalty. This is clearly a too simple minded way of thinking that there is only one reason for adultery. Moreover, it is a clear discrimination against women, the ones good in sex and the ones not. Hello.... this is a marriage we are talking about, not one night stand. If your boyfriend leaves you because he wants better sex, you can call him a jerk. If your husband cheats on you, you can SUE him. The law blatantly tells us that ADULTERY IS WRONG and guess who is going to get convicted? The HUSBAND and not the wife... There are many reasons for a failed marriage and saying that the women are not good enough in sex is simply unacceptable. Then can we cheat on our husbands if they cannot satisfy us in bed? Try that and someone will stress on this fact even more, women is the reason to failed marriages. So that’s number one, saying that women not being good enough in sex is the reason of failed marriages is BASELESS.

Number 2, are you saying that sex is the only thing to keep your husband at home? What more when we are told to (as quoted) “welcome them (the husbands) with sexy clothes and alluring smiles in the privacy of their homes”??? I honestly pity the children in the home in such scenarios. It is most likely a go-to-your-room-and-don’t-come-out-no-matter-what-you-hear night. The little children must be scared to death hearing the parents having panic attacks throughout the night. And yet, we wonder how our children get into pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy and incest...

Lastly but definitely not the least, I am truly shocked to find such ideas (I’m not sure if these ideas came from females/males) against women. Those who eagerly fight for equality are now just as quickly saddened by those who wish to put women at the end of the equation, not on the other side. Perhaps it is a different view; maybe it is a different perspective, but it is definitely one that I do not want my friends and family members to believe in. For in my opinion, it is only an idea that will bring us back to once when baby girls are buried once they are born (though some are still thrown into the river in China/go unregistered and thus have no education or even the right to existence!), young girls are married off for a cow/goat and ladies stoned to death for being raped. This is not a future I want for females all around the world. So, what exactly can you do to stop this horrendous future from taking place? Please do appreciate every human (regardless man or woman) around you. If you can, go hug your mother/sister/girlfriend! :D After millennia of discrimination, female deserve something better.

*Note: this is not a hate article against testosterone driven males. Neither is it an article intended to demean anybody/organisation/belief. It is only for me to express MY OPINION. I apologise if any discomfort/anger is instigated (it is definitely not on purpose) and if any facts above are deemed questionable.

National Novice 2011

Upon demand request from Andrew, here I am posting about National Novice 2011:D Since I’m the freest nowadays anyway... Honestly, none of us ever ever (at least I didn’t) thought winning this at all, what more when we are so rusty! Yes, National Novice was the first tournament after 8 months???

But before I begin, I must express my gratitude to Zean Shiung, Prasanth and Shaun for being willing to help us prepare before the tournament. Particularly Zean Shiung, the list of things to be researched on really helped!!! :D Last but not the least, our very dear and much appreciated, Keefe :D, a senior/trainer/coach/opponent that is the reason why we can be where we are today. WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH KEEFE!!!!! J

Ok, let’s get to business. HELP University College was represented by 3 teams where HELP 1 comprised of Ian Loo Han Rong, Carmen Chua & Victoria Ngow, HELP 2 included Sophia, Abhilaash & I while HELP 3 consisted of Kailaish, Jasmesh & Shu Li. Our very professional adjudication team made up of Elena Ong, Leannza Chia, Adelyn Teoh & Ayzvara. :D Now, let’s see how HELP 2 rocked the floor!

Round 1: Education.

Up against Sri Ayesha on the motion THW teach talented students separately from their peers and we were opposition (at 10pm on a Friday night after an hour of prep time, nope it wasn’t fun). Timothy Andrew was the adjudicator. This one was definitely not our best, for it was messy and ranged from average to below average. I was dismissive at certain parts & failed to attack their mechanism properly. We barely scraped passed this one but alas, we did. J

Round 2: Democary

We, on side government, faced SMKDU 1 on the motion THW make compulsory voting. Tasneem judged this round! We were improving slightly but not enough. There was one thing that Tasneem pointed out and we totally never thought it! Voting to not vote. It could have made our case a whole lot stronger (but we did pull through :D ) Get Malaysians to be more involved in the politics and at the same time, not just simply voting for any tom, dick & harry. By then, we were quite frustrated by ourselves. Yes, stupid us....

Round 3: Geo-politics

Facing only secondary schools in the 2 rounds earlier, we felt a bit nervous being opposition, facing another university for this round, USM 1 on the motion THW invade North Korea. Adrian was the chair this time. Now the first thing I did was to attack their mechanism! YES I LEARNT! LOL... but yea, I spent a little too much time rebutting and didn’t analyse my argument on bad precedence properly :P nonetheless, we made it through J

Round 4: Women & Men

We got into ROOM 3 against PUTRA 1 being government on the motion THBT if a biological father is willing & able to raise the future child, he should have the right to prevent abortion. Darryl was the chair. We lost this one. We didn’t have a proper case even after the debate started. The major screw up I did was defining what is “able” in my PM speech. And PUTRA 1 questioned what sort of willing is this that we are proposing. But sophie pulled it back for me! She explained that we drew a parallel example to custody and however capable a father needs to be in order to win the custody, this is what he needs to be when preventing the abortion. Moreover, what other sorts of willing are there? Forced willing? We lacked analysis in how losing the foetus = to losing a family member and we were quite offensive in our cases against females (though there were soph n i on gov and all three guys on opp!) It was a 2-1 split on a close margin with the chair dissenting. We were a bit dejected :/

Round 5:So Malaysia Lah!

We opposed THW impose minimum wage in Malaysia against SDAR 2. It was our bubble round so it was PRETTY SCARY. It was do or die. For the first 20 minutes of out the prep time, we were quite blank and it was only the last 10 mins that we started forming a proper case. Groobie was the chair this round and it was a 2-1 split! It was a silent round so we only found out the next morning! And I pretty worn out that night to even care actually....

Octofinals: National Security

On the motion THW not prosecute child soldiers for the atrocities they committed during times of war, we were opposition against INTEC 2. This round made all of us pretty jumpy actually. Not only because they defined ‘atrocities’ as protecting family and country from enemy and thus, making the whole debate into a definition challenge, ALL 3 SPEAKERS kept on repeating & saying that we needed help simply because we come from HELP.... so yes, abhi retaliated in saying that INTEC= IN Total Extreme Confusion. But it was “a bit” potong because abhi didn’t say it properly! It took the crowd 2 mins to get the joke before they started to laugh. Although we pointed out the truism, we didn’t question enough links... but well, here come quarters!

Quarterfinals: Medical Ethics

We went up against PUTRA 1 again on the motion THW force feed aneroxics. But this time, we were opposition. We fought! We were determined to not let them win us for another round. Yes, a lot of competitiveness seeping in. I don’t remember much about this round actually. Probably because I was quite blur after so many rounds already...

Semifinals: Sexual Deviances (HELP 1 was in the other semis against SWAT!)

This round we were government and it was fun! Probably it’s because I learnt a lot of new (& sick) stuff. Up against TCSJ 1 on the (longest ever) motion THBT sex education classes in schools should include but not be limited to: sexual orientation, anal sex, mutual gratification & masturbation. Yeap, we talked about G-spot (something new that I learnt), orgasm (I knew that already) and a whole lot more. They came up saying that sex education will only teach young kids these things. So we pointed out that they very fact that all of us here knows about all these despite not having sex education shows that sex education may not be the source after all. One of the speakers quoted that he learnt all those from his parents. Super cool parents I must say...

Finals: THBT the state should compensate people who are wrongfully convicted of a crime against SWAT = KEEFE!

This was what we never ever expected.

1) Getting in to the finals

2) Facing the one who trained us, KEEFE!

3) Winning it.

The most ironic thing is that we still didn’t know who exactly will be in our team till the last minute. And yet, we won National Novice 2011. It felt like a dream holding all those trophies. Like what leannza said, it was a trophy feast! With 4 of us (Abhi, me, ian & soph) getting 3^rd, 6^th, 8^th & 10^th best speaker respectively + finals best speaker + each of our own champion trophies + the HUGE champion trophy that is supposed to have HELP’s name engraved into it, all of them seem quite non-existent till I saw them on my table the next morning. This victory was by far the “cleanest” one we ever had. Yes, we did have a few misdeeds back then when John & Andrew were with us :P

But the most important thing was that this victory will not be possible without John, Andrew or Keefe because they built the base for us to step on. They were the reason why we could have succeeded. Without them, most probably, we will still be struggling to understand what harms principle is. Thanks John, Andrew, Keefe. We owe you guys big time. And, this brings me to my question. WHEN ARE YOU GUYS COMING BACK??? Don’t you dare come back after Keefe fly off. Yes keefe, when will you be leaving for Aussie? :D