Breath-taking

i went to the market in my Interact uniform and short pants (to avoid dirtying my slacks) and.... HEELS. yes, white ones.... but that is definitely not the highlight of the day. neither was is arriving late at jun ning's house or spending about 15 minutes waiting for adrian who is late... again.

but it was entering the children ward.

Interact Club of SMKDJ visited IJN (Institusi Jantung Negara) or National Heart Institute last Friday, 11 June 2010. i can say this with a 100% certainty to anyone out there who thinks that their life is terrible like hell, "there are people living lives a million times worse than yours". in movies, dramas, series or even advertisements, we always see people visiting hospitals, crying in front of their loved ones, so much more drama... but i just realised that the most dramatic event that could happen in a hospital is not all the tears or wails or sobs, but simply SILENCE.

a silence so great that everything around you seems to just be numbed and emotionless.

we entered the first ward and the first child we met was called Zulhairi. when we entered, his mother was simply arranging his pillows, trying to make him feel more comfortable. we started talking to him. but he was just so silent. he only gave short replies or just one or two nods with his head. but he smiled for us when we took a picture. and that was all it took for me to feel a wave of emotions in my heart.

we visited quite a number of children. all of them were connected to multiple tubes to every possible place; arms, nose, mouth, neck... i have seen them in movies before but not in real life... and it was really heart-breaking to see kids who had barely enjoyed life to be confined to the bed with tubes all over them. most of them have fresh wounds in the middle of their chest. some of them still have bloodstains on their shirts. but all of them were very quiet. they barely spoke. and to hear them speak or smile was just all we wanted for that moment....

then we visited the infants ward. all of them were sleeping soundly. :) but with the same tubes all over them... one of them started coughing and within a moment later, he started vomiting already. the nurse explained that it was due to his condition which produces excessive mucus causing too much phlegm in his throat. he was only 2 months old...

which baby deserves a beginning like this? which child deserves a childhood like this? which mother deserves to see their own infant like this?

life can be so terrible for some in this world. sophia once asked me "why are we always on the bright side?" i don't know. i really don't know. i don't understand. for a moment or two, i wished that i was the one strapped to the bed instead of that baby boy. he is barely a year old. he haven't even taken his first step. and he is already fighting for his life in a hospital bed. why? why? why?

after calming myself down, i thought maybe these answers are meant to be found. no one can answer me except God. all that matters is to help them and to love those around us before it's too late. all that matters in now.

love your life.