It's Me

out of the blue, i started going through all the blog posts that i have here, in my blog. and i just realised how i have changed in so many ways, but one.

in year 2008, 90% of my blog posts were about the twilight saga. seriously, i cannot believe how in love i was with the book. most people at my age right now would criticise it, telling me how naive i was to like, or even love such exaggerated (and possibly boring) love stories. despite how unbelievable i am in respect to how in love i was with the books, i think i am still in love with them. maybe not as much, but i still remember vividly the lines from the book and probably, certain scenes from the movie or even images in my head that i have depicted myself. (LOL :P)

then in 2009, when i blogged the most, it was all about debate and badminton, how obsessed i was with the malaysian team winning and how involved i was in the debating scene. a few occasional post about the girl guides public speaking competition and bubba gump also came into the picture. but the bulk, undoubtedly, belonged to debate and badminton :D i was really into the both of them.

2010 came with more emotional posts. talking about the IJN visit, my memoirs and mostly, how i felt back then. blogging in 2011 is such as failure with only 2 posts from Jan-August. the way i have blogged changed so drastically. from the shortforms of "wut" to the proper "what', from exeggerated "haizzzzz" to less dramatic phrases (ok, may i still do that once in a while) and from being a self-centered little girl to a slightly less self-absorbed person(i hope i am!).

i really have changed a lot. from a girl who probably knew nothing, i changed into an authoritative and to a certain extend, a dogmatic person. or maybe i have been like this all along, just that i have not been showcasing this part of me. i think i was nice when i was young(i think) when i was not so demanding. now, i think i am quite mean, evil at times, hurting people and breaking hearts.

despite all this, one of thing have yet to change. me, being obsessive. when i am into something, believe me, i am really into it. it stays in my head and pops up every now and then with the slightest thing that can remind me of it. worst of all, my imagination can spiral out of control thinking about it. from twilight to badminton to debate and then to everything else, i have been so obsessive.

obsession is really unhealthy, mark my words form a first-hand experience. it drains you out, saps your energy as you find for every little avenue to get more information about something/someone or try to feel closer to that thing/person. it distracts you. proving this statement, i am supposed to be reading my IB textbooks or current events. but instead, i am blogging about this obsession of mine. because it's there in my head.

so, thank you if you have taken time to read this post. i hope it served as an relaxing element or not you most probably have wasted your precious time. but if you feel that you have more time to waste(not that i encourage it) do tell me a bit more about me. :)

if you had known me long enough, do you think that i have changed? am i a better person or worse-off? do you think obsession is good? on top of that, please give me some suggestions.

after writing this, i promised myself, to stop being so obsessed. on the other hand, i think it defines who i am. but of course, drugs define a drug addict. so should he/she continue with drugs when it is so damned clear that it is killing him/her? this is my resolution before i begin my term, stop being so obsessive! i would need to focus for my IB in penang. is obsession worth my scholarship which is most probably my future? i'm not convinced right now. unless my current obsession makes me feel happy for the rest of my life, which is clearly not the case right now, no, i shouldn't depend on it. well, this current obsession of mine isn't responding very positively, which adds on the the reason why i should stop it! however, as it is always the case, everything is easier said than done.

but till i get rid of it(in which i promise that i will try), obsession is me.

p.s. purple have always been my favourite colour and it still is. :) obsession...