feeling disappointed and helpless...

HATRED

i didn't want to post this but i think i really must now.

i envy those who love what they do.

i don't think i like studying.

but i don't like the non-studying activities now too.

i particularly really dislike communication.

or the lack of it or miscommunication

i guess that's why i'm destined to be in telecommunications

i wonder if it solves any of my communication problems.

i wish to find a hole & bury myself in it.

away from communication, the lack of it or the wrong type

i wish i can stop thinking about everything about me.

sinking heart...?

my heart hadn't sunk in ages. i felt it sinking just a moment ago...

A special, beautiful girl asked me today, "What's the best thing that happened to you since you came to Uplands?"

I thought for a moment and realised.

Before this, it was the freedom. But now, it has changed. :)

Thank you for the change.

Do Come True :)

thank you for making her dreams come true. she will make sure that every bit of this reality is appreciated, that she will make the most out of it & that she will never let it go, ever. :)

thank you.

Dreams...

a girl can dream, but will her dreams come true?

if only she knows how to keep on dreaming or even better still, realise her dreams!

she fears the uncertainty that her dreams may end... and she falls back onto the harsh concrete reality...

but meanwhile, she is enjoying the clouds that she's lying on, loving it to bits.

if only she could go higher, but she is contented and grateful enough with the love she has now!

please keep her on the clouds :)

Foncused...?

I'm not kidding, I'm really foncused.

Wait, no, I meant foncused. Yes, foncused, really foncused!

Or was it, confused....? I really don't know.

I have not been blogging for so long. And, it is pretty sad that my first post in 2012 is entitled "Foncused".

But, it isn't something I can deny. When you come to a point in life when you start asking yourself "What am I doing?", this is the part you get confused/lost/uncertain.

These emotions are seeping into me right now. I have tried telling myself to focus on work. But somehow, I just slip away from them. (Note: Facebook is not a very good companion for this very reason)

I end up doing everything but my work, which I do have a lot, much left undone till this very moment. This also means that I shouldn't be blogging. But, I really do need to shout it out somewhere.

I remember sometime ago how I felt numbed by too many events/loses/heartaches. But, I still managed to focus on my work.

Not this time though, everything seems so detached but real. I know what's at stake but I can't seem push myself to a level that I had once done before. I tried to remind myself of what I could have accomplished before but they are seem useless now. Perhaps it's like drugs, you get immune to them.

I think I know the reason. It's because I'm getting confused on what I want, what's most important to me. I have a vague idea but the idea is getting so blurry now.

I need shock, I need impact, I need reality.

I need something to look forward for, something that can once push me like before, to make me realise that I can no longer slack, to drive me to achieve what I want, or what I think I want.

I need sleep. I always seem so tired. Is that a reason why I feel confused, lost and uncertain? I really don't know.

It's a turmoil in me that I shouldn't be experiencing. I have a very blessed life. But, that doesn't take away all these feelings. I have always told others that you can control your emotions, at least on the surface. I'm trying hard now.

I need something, or someone...

I know that you understand me, perhaps the most among all, but will you understand all the gibberish while I myself can't? I really don't know either...

Or have I mistaken about you too?

Type text or a website address or translate a document.

Cancel

我不知道。